I often get emails from students with college questions, and teachers who want to use the program with their students. Every now and then, though, I'm fortunate enough to get an email from another 20-something trying to help out in the space.
Here are some fantastic tips from Mackenzie Barton-Rowledge, a recent graduate from Johns Hopkins University. Thanks, Mackenzie!
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The Personal Statement
When looking at an application, the admissions committee is bombarded with numbers (SAT score, GPA, the hours worked per week, etc.). The personal statement is your chance to let the admissions committee know who you are and what you believe in. It’s the only part of your application that is qualitative—meaning that you get to showcase your qualities.
DOs & DON’Ts:
* DO write a logical, polished essay. Make sure that you answer the prompt, make a main argument in each paragraph, have some sort of conclusion at the end of each paragraph, use transitions between paragraphs, have something to draw the reader in at the beginning of the essay, and include a conclusion at the end.
* DO cite specific examples. There are few college applicants who aren’t friendly, creative, or smart—you’re the same as everyone else here. But nobody has had your exact experiences, those are what make you a unique individual. Share the experiences that show off your good qualities or, better, show times when you grew as a person (these reveal your character more than you at your best).
* DO emphasize your point of view. You aren’t just describing things you’ve done, but how you see the world. If you don’t have health insurance, but instead of working you are applying to college, let them know! If you think that challenges are fun, go into detail! If you’re an immigrant, highlight how your multiculturalism makes you more sophisticated and how you’ll add a unique perspective to a college campus.
* DON’T list. You will have submitted a resume—don’t say those things without adding any new information! If you want to talk about your experiences, explain what you did in detail and, more importantly, explain how it changed you.
* DON’T talk about other people/events/ideas without tying the concepts back to you (your goals, hopes, dreams, experiences, beliefs, where you find meaning in life, etc.). The point of the essay, no matter what the prompt, is you (though the prompt may tell you to only talk about a certain side of you).
* DO show rather than tell. Instead of giving the admissions committee a list of your qualities and expecting them to trust you, show them how/when you’ve acted that way. Anecdotes (stories) are often very useful in doing this.
* DON’T make broad generalizations. I call these statements ‘Grand and Bland’ because they sound like something really meaningful, but if you think about it from the perspective of the admissions committee, you actually are saying very little.
Example 1: I learned that truth always prevails.
Example 2: I am a very compassionate person.
In Example 1, this is just blatantly false. This sort of statement makes you sound idealistic and naïve; instead, try to describe exactly what you learned. A better statement is “I learned that my hope of truth prevailing, while optimistic, has a chance to be satisfied. And if there is the possibility of justice, I cannot ignore injustices…”
In Example 2, the problem is that there is no objective scale for ‘compassion.’ You might be more compassionate than Mother Teresa, but somebody who thinks that puppies are cute can also call herself compassionate. When your meaning is unclear, SPECIFY. Include a concrete example, like “When I visited my grandparents’ assisted living home, I was struck by the fact that every person there was once a fully functioning adult, but most could no longer even be trusted to bathe themselves. The loss of dignity, however, did not darken their spirits…”
* DO make your ______ [quality] so obvious that you don’t actually have to say it. If you look at the previous Example 1, the corrected version don’t include the word ‘compassionate.’ In that case, though, I have shown my compassion in my observation of the elderly people (making it clear that I do have compassion).
* DO show them why they want you. Make a convincing argument for why they should give you a scholarship to convince you to choose them—if you make a good enough case, they will!
* DON’T use words like ‘interesting’ or ‘amazing’ or ‘excited,’ if you can help it. Word choice is one of your most powerful tools of communication; pick vibrant verbs and unusual adjectives. Don’t use words that you don’t know the definitions of, but try to use vocabulary words from 12th grade (not just 5th).
* DON’T use clichés (without purpose). This is true for both long clichés, like “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem,” and for short ones, like “withering scowl” or “mousy brown hair.” The committee is reading hundreds of essays—make yours the one that surprises them (“mousy purple”).
* DO quadruple check your grammar. Break grammatical rules only to make a point. If it helps your voice/fluency to write a fragment (a sentence without both a subject and a verb), go for it. Just make sure that you have no unintentional errors.
* DO ask for help. Ask as many people as possible to read your essays—teachers, parents, older siblings, a friend who’s good at writing. Your essay is your own, and should be written by you. However, getting help with grammar and checking that your point is clearly communicated is legit, and you will be the one with the final say as to what changes are/aren’t made.
* DO include explanations of academic crashes. If you got one B+ in AP Chemistry, don’t worry. But if your mother died of cancer your sophomore year and you flunked all your classes, here is the place to explain. Colleges like students who will graduate, so if you don’t have as solid an explanation as the death of a loved one, explain how you’ve learned from whatever mistake(s) you made that tanked your GPA. This should be about one paragraph.
